The Heart Is

There is nothing greater then the heart.
In one organ layes the immeasurable capacity to expound great truth and live in total denial of said truth.
It is, to quote the Torah, deceitful above all else.
It must be followed but never trusted, heeded in it's warnings but forsaken for it is prone to flights of fancy.
It is immense in it's persuasion of the mind. It will stop at nothing to deny an attraction that the least informed could not hope to miss, yet the heart will cling to any straw argument that would allow the slightest Ray of hope in the most doomed of pairings.
 
Such is love, such is humanities greatest virtue and vice.
The great defender and the achilles heel of the soul.
What shall we suggest would rectify this eternal dilemma?
I, in my wisdom, would purpose nothing.
Yes, nothing is my solution, for nothing will help; and nothing will be heard of it.
Many a man has waxed eloquent with musings of love and the same is said over and over with much passion.
Simply put, the heart wants what the heart wants.  Thus it is pointless to argue with what is already set in stone. 
 
You would tell me that you have seen hearts changed in the past, and I would tell you that this is foolish.
You have seen no such thing.  
You have only glimpsed the outward impression of such a change, but no such change has occurred.
All that has transpired is the shifting forward of the secondary want. 
Usually it is the want of comfort, security or in the modern tongue, Stability.
This is not a change it is the lie. 
 
Now in the recesses of the heart high on a shelf that can only be glimpsed by it's creator sits a box.
It is labeled "what if" or "if only". 
This box contains the true wish of your life, the one you can't mention in decent company. 
It is often the dirty little secrete, that you scream in your mind while in an others embrace.
It is simple enough, so simple that in a moment of release it could shatter all the pretty lies you built to protect it.
If you were to be honest for a moment you know that this moment of release is the only thing in life that you want and dread  in such unison that you walk a constant wire of love and hate.
And you are utterly torn between which side of the war you are on. 
 
Oddly enough you fight your own heart and soul not knowing whether you should be flight or surrendering.
Here I must interject my own opinion that sometimes the only way to win is to surrender. 
But how do you know this is the truth and not the lie?
Well that's the rub.  If you knew in our mind it would be your mind that makes the choice and let's be honest the truly grand adventures are not reasoned with the mind but driven by the heart and felt in the soul.
And if it's the lie....
Then this is life and you should not be surprised that once again your heart led you there.
 
I will not say it led you wrong because it led you to live life, and what is a life not lived if not a lie itself.
It is that lie that keeps your heart in longing and your box hid away upon that high shelf.
Take it down and let it breath. Just for a moment and see if anything comes of it. If not take a knife and kill it if you can, but don't pause.  Don't for one second listen to it's lies because if you do then it will win, and the last thing you want is to follow the shiester down the rabbit hole.
Down there are weird and wonderful things.
Things that have no place in proper society.
Things that can't be trusted as true.
But a what if it's no lie?           

FREEDOM

Today marks a special day in our lives. Jen and I are happy to be experiencing a sort of freedom.

Freedom is the state of not being imprisoned, enslaved, or otherwise constrained, or more specifically:

• Free will, the ability of rational agents to exercise control over their actions, decisions, or choices
• Political freedom, the absence of interference with the sovereignty of an individual by the use of coercion or aggression
• Economic freedom, most commonly defined as the freedom to produce, trade and consume any goods and services acquired without the use of force, fraud or theft

Take a guess as to which of these we are feeling today. If you have know idea what has been taking place over the last few months, or year for that matter, you may not want to guess.

I simply put much of my time has felt like this:
....and sometimes I would wonder why I was even forced to be at my desk when the people I was called to help where not in the room with me.

Then of course there where the awkward social interactions often miss labeled as "work meetings".
The worst part is that I'm not the slightest bit interested in meeting with someone who just wants to talk and who has no real interest in my opinion to begin with. So though I couldn't get to it today I am hoping to have a seen much like this take place soon, but with a cell phone not a photocopier. Then I'll kick back and relax with a beautiful woman named Jennifer....

...or spend sometime in peaceful contemplation.



Sometimes you have to let go.....


Sometimes you just have to KICK IT IN THE TEETH!!!

FREEDOM!!!!

In the fog and seeing clearer

This morning I awoke to a weird feeling of unclear clearness. I have had no responses to my job search and I have no idea were I should be looking for a job. The other side of this was that I felt completely comfortable knowing that this is were God has brought me.

Last night at college group we spent time sharing the scripture that encourages, gives hope and allows us to be still in the storms of life. I was completely blessed by the sharing of my brothers and sisters. Thus today I have no doubt that the reading and sharing of God's word with in a fellowship has a greater impact on the day to day life then the highly orchestrated and somewhat ritualistic services we often attend on a weekly basis.


I in no way wish to come off as anti-preparation. If fact I did a certain amount of preparation to facilitate the discussion last night. The point I am making is that the exchange that takes place between the Body of Christ when sharing the impact of God's Word in our lives should never be over shadowed by our desperate need to discriminate information.


Boil it down

...and we are a body and a body has got to share the nutrition. The blood cycles through the whole body. The blood brings life.

...and when one part of the body is hurting the rest of the body feels it. The body can choose to feel it and move to heal it, or the body can ignore it and aid in the malnourishment of it.

...but when the body moves to encounter what God is doing in and through it's parts, that is when we begin to see the broad stroke of Scripture God is painting across all His creation to reveal Himself.

...and this amazing, all powerful, creator God uses the sharing of changing lives to change lives.. We are all in a growing process with in a hostel environment. Why pretend otherwise? Why pretend that we are alone?

So here I am in the fog and seeing clearer then yesterday. I have been struck by the knowing that no matter how alone I may feel, there is no chance that I walk this road alone.

So I invite you to share.

The Little Comforter

The other day I was very sad, this is not uncommon for me of late. On that day I was also very upset in a very verbal and emotional way. Now I didn't feel much like talking. In fact I was laying alone in bed. This was about to change.
Being a father means that I am responsible to help my children understand life, and I that day I felt that Zoe deserved an explanation as to why her normally fun daddy was not so fun.

So I had her crawl up next to me and I began to explain. "Sometimes when daddy is really upset it's just because he misses Grampy so much." To this my four year old responds by taking the hem of her dress and wiping my tears and reminding me that Grampy is in heaven.

So I had a few more tears in that conversation, which she wiped and she gave me a few kisses.
Then suddenly the "tickle monster" came back and fun times broke out again.

Thank God for little comforters.

Heeding Hope and Health Part 1

August 31

It has been an "interesting" year. I have been up and down, in the valley and on the mountain top. Through it all the one constant has been the unwavering "knowing" of Adonia.

ADONIA "Master, Lord, LORD"

As all things seem to crumble, my Lord has never shown a sign of weakening and thus my foundation has never been cracked or worn. This is a constant comfort and provides the stability that is so often allusive.

I tend to place things on top of the foundation -false flooring, cozy carpets, stone tile of various kinds- all of which look very nice and often gain me complements, yet they are not the foundation. They will be the things I walk on and as I walk this path they change the sound of my footsteps. As I gave this more thought it struck me that in decorating my foundation I inadvertently change the sound of God's voice. I no longer hear the simple sound of my feet on foundation.

No, I have added that which changes, muffles and distorts sound. Every piece of flooring or furniture now keeps the sound of the foundation from resounding as I walk. Soon I begin to imagine that the decorative things which I have added are the foundation that supports my feet.

It is then that the true master of the house rises from the floor, near the corner where I had "assigned" him to work. He begins to critique my work, but in the process begins to remove the decoration -pointing out my sloppy and inconsistent work- work marked by a general lack of skill.

I am at first offended then embarrassed and finally relieved. So relieved that a master craftsman has taken over a job in which I was way over my head. I am startled by how much needs to be removed. I thought some of my work could survive the critique. Here at the point of having everything stripped bare I begin to pace -and trip over the remnants of my beautiful work- discarded pieces lay strewn across the floor.

I become frantic -running around snatching pieces up. They must be tossed out.

To the trash! To the trash!

There must be no evidence that I ever tried to do this on my own and failed -as I run, stumble and fall.

My stumbling blocks are the various pretty pieces that once adorned my foundation. I am now on my knees -where I get a better view. A better response to the stumbling block is dropping to hands and knees -to begin to move along the foundation with the Master craftsman.

From here I can see a once unnoticed beauty of what he had already etched and stained into the solid form at the time of it's pouring out. It is overwhelming in it's simple complexity -craftsmanship which could only be accomplished by planning long before the foundation was laid.

I no longer cling to the trash bag. It is clear that now is not the time for clean up -even as others yell at me to get my "stuff" together, get the mess cleaned up and get back on my feet. No, now is the time for ripping up and taring out. Everything I've added must be removed. Some of it will not be thrown in the trash but moved to hang on the walls as simple decorations, pictures of what has taken place on this journey. They are not ever to be confused with the foundation, as they do not hold weight. They are instead held up by the nails.

I move to the corner not in retreat - not running as some would claim. I simply had to relinquish any claim to the center. From the my spot in the corner I watch my Lord work. He reveals more and more foundation, and more and more wondrous beauty. Now I understand the urge to kiss the ground I walk on. That ground is holy and not of me...

... and as all things I've built seem to crumble, my Lord has never shown a sign of weakening and thus my foundation has never been cracked or worn. This is a constant comfort and provides the stability that is so often allusive.


So today I am sitting and wondering, pondering -1 Samuel 15:22
"...To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams."
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(I alluded many Bible passages today. Please feel free to comment with references and add more that come to heart)
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